You’re Still Not Good Enough: My First College Acceptance Letter

I have three good friends in my grade. One has been committed to William and Mary for swim since early November and the other two have received at least one acceptance letter since December. I had yet to receive any college decision.

I was promised that my first college decision would be available to me some time around mid-January. It came out today. Earlier, my friend texted me saying results were out. At the time, I was volunteering at a local hospital as an ED patient registrar assistant. It was a slow day. No patients were waiting to be checked in, so I decided to take a peek at my decision. I logged into my account with shaky hands. “Don’t worry Laura your stats are well above the average. Worst case scenario, you got deferred.” I said to myself, before pressing enter. In small, hard to read font were the words, “Admitted. Fall 2014.” I did it. Overwhelmed with relief, I showed my supervisor and friend Nima. “Look at you.” Nima grinned, “Congratulations. You’re going to college.”

The college I was accepted to today is not my first choice, but a good choice. I’m still waiting to hear back from other colleges, but that does not diminish the fact that I got my first acceptance letter today. It does not make me any less excited that I am almost done with this period of my life.

After taking a deep breath, I told my sister and my friends my good news. Their overwhelming responses were exactly what I needed. It didn’t matter that it was likely that I would get in. They accepted me.

In contrast, when I told my mother on the way home that I got in; I was met with a face of disgust. “Why are you so happy to get accepted into a nobody school? You aren’t going.” she yelled, “And why haven’t you turned in your last college app?” I was shocked. How was I supposed to respond to that? Would she rather I’d been denied? Today was supposed to mark a happy turning point in my life. Instead, it’s been tainted by the sickening feeling that I am still not good enough. That in some ways, I’ll never be good enough. And as long as I want to be a nurse, I will never satisfy my mother.

Nonetheless, I am thankful for my first acceptance letter and can not wait to see what the future brings me.

P.S. I’ll reveal the names of the colleges I applied to after I get all of my decisions.