That’s how long it’s been since my last post on this blog and a lot has changed. I started this blog the summer before my senior year of high school and I am currently in my 3rd year of college.
Looking back at all of my old posts, I found myself once again cringing at who I was before coming to Christ the summer before my first year of college. I was putting my identity in things that wouldn’t satisfy me (my parents approval, college acceptances, friendships, academics, etc). And getting irrationally angry over things I couldn’t change along with feeling powerless. I wanted to delete all of my past shortcomings from my memory. Pretend it never happened. Truth is, I debated on whether or not to create a new blog entirely just to hide my past self (and terrible writing) from my college friends who only know me after coming to Christ when I was once again reminded of something so important and so humbling: God loved me before I knew Him.
He loved me even when I had a distorted image of who He was. He loved me even when I wanted nothing to do with Him. He loved me even when I wrote embarrassing blog posts about my latest obsessions. And He loves me now even though I mess up every day and often make the same mistakes I made before coming to Christ. It is only by His grace that I can rejoice and say that I am a new creation. I cling to this truth knowing that I am incapable of doing anything without Him. Every positive change that has been made in my character stems from Him and His faithfulness. I’ve come to terms that the God who loves the “new life in Christ” Laura also fervently loved and pursued “B.C.” Laura. May God’s glory be exalted in the complete story, which is depicted in my past posts. And deleting previous posts or starting a new blog would be a sign of me looking towards the praises of man over trusting my new identity to be in Christ.
And while it would’ve been so much easier to have just started a new blog following me as I walked with God, I would soon forget the extent of God’s goodness in how he saved me in my angsty teen years and how he continues to save me in my angsty 20s. And His glory would not be fully magnified with only half of my story nor would it be an honest depiction of who God created me to be today: a passionate, unapologetic, follower of Christ.